Suburban Warrior

My mom always warned me that as we age our faces will get hairier and our bodies will dry up.

Well...I'm sitting in my car at a red light, an unusually long red light. Hmmm...how should I spend the time? I can't think of a better way than to flip down the mirror and study myself (FYI: you get the best lighting in your car). After I got over the initial shock of realizing my pores were bigger than those of Edward James Olmos, I saw something that had previously escaped me...a hair was growing directly out of my adam's apple!! A jet black hair at that! What the? How long has that stray hair, no, STRAY ROPE been growing there? How long have I been parading around town with my long friend? Oh, great, in the last week I've been socializing with family members I haven't seen in a year...and none of them said a thing!! Thanks! It's a wonder I didn't strangle myself in my sleep with that thing! I guess its begun...

Speaking of facial hair...doesn't every family have some female hairy faced relative?? I know we did...and her name was Aunt Sis. Poor Aunt Sis...it wasn't just hairy, it was stubble. How does that happen? Aunt Sis' sister, my grandmother, had a face as smooth as a baby's bottom...but not Aunt Sis!! My sisters and I hated to kiss her and, unfortunately, Aunt Sis was a big one for hugs and kisses. As we got older, we secretly referred to her as Uncle Sis. The only thing I can think of is that at some point in her life, Aunt Sis must have taken a razor to her puss...and we all felt that ramifications of that mistake years later.

Now I'm just waiting to dry up...