Suburban Warrior

What do these geriatrics have in common?? They both continue to think they are twenty-five years old and can be action heroes!! Uh, not so much, boys!

Yes, presently you can find Sylvester Stallone in ROCKY XIIIIIIIIII, allegedly going toe-to-toe with someone who could be his grandson. It doesn't matter that Rocky now looks about as old as his first coach, Mickey (Meredith Burgess in vein-popping performances...). Seriously, have you seen Sylvester recently? His face is more bloated than Jerry Lewis' face. At least in this go-round Adrian had the decency to act her age (she's dead).

Harrison Ford? Har-ri-son Ford?? Ok, that guy has been in a midlife crisis for the last decade. First, he gets his ear pierced. Then he ditches his wife. Then he takes up flying...AND THEN...AND THEN... HE STARTS DATING THAT WALKING CADAVER, CALISTA FLOCKHART!!!! (Sidenote: I don't get her. I didn't get Ally McBeal. I don't get her.) Anyhoo, this fool is about to start filming a new Indiana Jones movie with him, naturally, as the hero. As if.

You know who I blame for this false sense of age? I blame Dick Clark. Yes, you heard me...Dick Clark. I admit Dick hung in there a very long time...he looked great for his age...up until...HE HAD A FRICKIN STROKE!! Did you see that man on the last two "Dick Clark's New Year's Eve"? Sad, just sad. Note to Dick: Exit stage left, buddy. Are they going to just keep draggin that man out every New Year's from 11:46 to 11:48 simply because he's Dick Clark?? Pretty soon its going to start looking a lot like "Weekend at Bernie's"...

The sun has set...go home already.