Suburban Warrior

Well, Mr. Winter caught Mommy of the Year by surprise, AGAIN!

We got our first snowfall earlier in the week and the kids were all thrilled to get out there and have "snow fun". Whatever. Snow fun is just a big pain in my ass...with the layers of clothes, the mittens, the snowpants, the wail of "I'm cold" and the hats causing static hair. Of course, Elizabeth was chomping at the bit to get out there. Only one problem...we had no boots or snowpants for her. I explained that I would go to Target in the morning and she could play outside tomorrow. Well, after having her nose pressed up against the window and watching all the other children having their "snow fun" she was near tears. Damn it. (I started to feel guilty because just the week before I had a pair of boots for her in my Target cart... but...then I saw something I wanted and ditched the boots in housewares. Yes, I put my needs first, so sue me.)

What was I to do? Thankfully, I remembered what my ingenious mother use to use in lieu of snowboots...she simply put bread bags over our shoes and tied them with rubber bands. Yes, it was humiliating, but at least we got to go outside. Granted, it took us about two hours to get up a small hill with our sleds due to traction problems...

If bread bags were good enough for me, they're good enough for my offspring. I didn't have any rubber bands so Elizabeth's bread bags were held up with hair ties.

Boots shmoots!

Please excuse...I am barely alive...put myself on South Beach Diet...very weak...barely standing...in and out of consciousness...not sure what day it is...or is it night?

All this because I agreed to take child to an indoor water park resort and must put on a bathing suit in two weeks...

I'm starting to see spots...

What do these geriatrics have in common?? They both continue to think they are twenty-five years old and can be action heroes!! Uh, not so much, boys!

Yes, presently you can find Sylvester Stallone in ROCKY XIIIIIIIIII, allegedly going toe-to-toe with someone who could be his grandson. It doesn't matter that Rocky now looks about as old as his first coach, Mickey (Meredith Burgess in vein-popping performances...). Seriously, have you seen Sylvester recently? His face is more bloated than Jerry Lewis' face. At least in this go-round Adrian had the decency to act her age (she's dead).

Harrison Ford? Har-ri-son Ford?? Ok, that guy has been in a midlife crisis for the last decade. First, he gets his ear pierced. Then he ditches his wife. Then he takes up flying...AND THEN...AND THEN... HE STARTS DATING THAT WALKING CADAVER, CALISTA FLOCKHART!!!! (Sidenote: I don't get her. I didn't get Ally McBeal. I don't get her.) Anyhoo, this fool is about to start filming a new Indiana Jones movie with him, naturally, as the hero. As if.

You know who I blame for this false sense of age? I blame Dick Clark. Yes, you heard me...Dick Clark. I admit Dick hung in there a very long time...he looked great for his age...up until...HE HAD A FRICKIN STROKE!! Did you see that man on the last two "Dick Clark's New Year's Eve"? Sad, just sad. Note to Dick: Exit stage left, buddy. Are they going to just keep draggin that man out every New Year's from 11:46 to 11:48 simply because he's Dick Clark?? Pretty soon its going to start looking a lot like "Weekend at Bernie's"...

The sun has set...go home already.

New year, new crush! SW is breaking up with Matthew McConoughy and taking up with a new man. Yes, you heard me correctly!!! True, you can't get much better eye candy than Matthew, but let's be honest...he was as dumb as a box of rocks. SW needs more. SW deserves more. Plus, Matthew is losing his hair.

My new boyfriend's name is Kyle. Kyle Chandler plays Coach Taylor on Friday Night Lights and he is yummy! I first met Kyle when he starred in the show "Early Edition" or something like that (the premise was that his character's delivered newspaper contained news that was about to happen...thus creating some sticky situations for Kyle. It was stupid.) Also, Kyle is even more attractive because he is on my favorite show! If you don't watch this show...START! You may be inclined to think it airs on Friday nights, but don't be fooled...it's on WEDNESDAY NIGHTS at 8:00 pm (7:00 Central Time).

Watch the show and let me know what you think! Oh, by the way, as cute as Kyle is, he is still second to my husband.

A new year...a more improved blog.

Let me explain the problem. My computer is housed in the same room as I house Daughter #2, so I can only blog when Daughter #2 is awake...and we all know that when the "bear" is awake nothing gets done, especially anything that requires the use of your arms. Suburban Warrior tends to use her arms to type...

Upcoming topics: dead Saddam, still living (barely!!) Dick Clark and his New Year's Eve Rockin Eve Show, my new favorite show (Friday Night Lights), Aunt Meggy and her vaginal varicose vein, Irene's Square Dance Party, the logistics of square dancing with a midget, Financial Success in 2007 and many, many more intriguing subjects!!

So, I ask you to be patient, stay tuned and have a Happy New Year!!