Suburban Warrior

Wow, it seems so many Hollywood stars are doing the baby 'thang!

First, congrats to that very classy (and well dressed!) couple Brittany and Kevin Federline on the birth of their son, Preston!! I wonder if Kevin will stick around to raise this third child of his? I haven't seen a picture of Brittany since the birth, but she was looking pretty hefty leading up to the birth. No wonder...every picture I saw of her she was chowing down on Cheetos or exiting a Starbucks with some whipped cream topped frappe (VENTE size!). Well, she's young...and apparently she enjoyed herself being pregnant...but...word from the wise, Brittany: YOU BETTER GET DANCIN!!

The news of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (TOMKAT) really disturbs me. That's basically because Tom Cruise really disturbs me. That's because I truly believe Tom Cruise is disturbed. I admit it, in the eighties and nineties I was a Tom Cruise fan (I mean who can deny all the male beauty in Top Gun? I totally agreed with the Iceman...Tom Cruise, Maverick, could be MY WINGMAN ANYTIME! Meow!). But as I matured, not to mention got taller, I realized Tom Cruise was not all that...he's got little man syndrome and tries to overcome this by acting like Mr. Thrill Seeker who Grabs Life By The Balls. Yeah, not so much, Tom. I'm not going to even touch his weird Scientology beliefs...I just hope Katie can snap out of the voodoo curse he apparently has on her. Hopefully, she can accomplish this before she goes into labor...as I've read that true Scientologists frown upon using any drugs during delivery. Additionally, Scientologists prefer no talking/screaming, etc. during labor or for the first week of the newborn's life. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT??? I truly hate to wish bad things on people...but let's all be honest...I bet there are more than a few people out there hoping Katie and Tom's baby decides to come out sideways, is a horrible breastfeeder who continually bites sweet Katie's lil nipples until they bleed and crack (remember Katie, no crying or talking!), has colic (hmmm....are Scientology babies allowed to cry??), refuses to sleep more than one hour at a time AND gets the worst case of baby acne ever documented!!! But I'm sure one of Tom's little vitamins will clear all that up!

I'll be keeping these babies and Katie in my prayers.