Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Pope Benedict and ME!!!
Ok, dreams can be really puzzling...so I invite my readers to feel free to interpret my dream from last night.
In this dream, I was the assistant to Pope Benedict and my job was to follow him around carrying his "shepherd's staff" (no doubt a job I received for living such a moral and unselfish life). Well, at one point, Pope Benedict and I found ourselves driving somewhere with my friend in her car (apparently, Pope Benedict traded in the Popemobile for a 1991 Izuzu Rodeo). While on this car trip, Pope Benedict, my friend and I debated who was a better singer, Bruce Springsteen or Garth Brooks (for the record, Pope Benedict loves Garth...must be his song, "Friends in Low Places"). The next thing I know, we arrive at CVS, where the Pope just wants to pick up some small items...Well, before I know what is happening, a fire breaks out in the CVS and the Pope and I get separated!!! This is NOT good...remember I still have the "shepherd's staff"!! Mayhem is breaking out in the CVS and I can't find the Pope!! I'm frantically running around the CVS, with the "shepherd's staff", screaming "POPE BENEDICT, POPE BENEDICT...WHERE ARE YOU?!?!". I can not describe the feeling of my desperation!
Anyhoo, I woke up sweating like a pig.
What does all that mean??
Friday, August 26, 2005
And I Thought My Maiden Form Undies Were Delightful?!!!
Can you believe this? I would have had my doubts, except the same exact thing happened to Irene just last week!!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Summer Fun
Dear Readers,
Please excuse my tardiness in posting this, but I have had multiple computer problems and have been busy on tour, again! I'll share a little of what Suburban Warrior has been up to in the last few weeks...
Poconos: very fun, very hot. Harry John can make fun of me sporting a baseball cap and my hair sticking out, but at least I HAVE HAIR. The only hair of Harry John's sticking out is a massive "tuft" of it out of his shirt collar. That should give you a nice clue as to the condition of his back. My extended family is nothing like the Jacksons...dysfunctional? Maybe...Probably...ok, we are. But like the Jacksons, boy, can we DANCE!! My Aunt Pat could cut a carpet with her sharp one stepping. My nephew can also cut the rug, but that would be with his toenails!!! (Note to Aunt Meggy: cut your kid's talons before someone loses an eye!)
Rehoboth Beach: very fun, VERY LOUD again with the Harry John family. Either I'm going deaf or I'm getting use to their voice levels...they didn't seem to bother me as much this time. We hung out at the pool with the kiddies, went to the amusement rides at Funland (FYI: Funland is so NOT fun with a bunch of kids), and spent some quality time with the parents. Only one sour note. Picture this: HJ, in the pool, floating on his back being held up by roughly 56 "noodles".
A few other comments...This love affair some of you are having with the so-called "Irene"? Be very, very careful....she is a manipulative little whore. She will charm you and then slash your throat. I know. I've seen it many times over, my innocent little friends. Don't let her fool you with her wholesome talk of tomato recipes and athletic ability...she is devil in spandex, I tell you!!!
Please excuse my tardiness in posting this, but I have had multiple computer problems and have been busy on tour, again! I'll share a little of what Suburban Warrior has been up to in the last few weeks...
Poconos: very fun, very hot. Harry John can make fun of me sporting a baseball cap and my hair sticking out, but at least I HAVE HAIR. The only hair of Harry John's sticking out is a massive "tuft" of it out of his shirt collar. That should give you a nice clue as to the condition of his back. My extended family is nothing like the Jacksons...dysfunctional? Maybe...Probably...ok, we are. But like the Jacksons, boy, can we DANCE!! My Aunt Pat could cut a carpet with her sharp one stepping. My nephew can also cut the rug, but that would be with his toenails!!! (Note to Aunt Meggy: cut your kid's talons before someone loses an eye!)
Rehoboth Beach: very fun, VERY LOUD again with the Harry John family. Either I'm going deaf or I'm getting use to their voice levels...they didn't seem to bother me as much this time. We hung out at the pool with the kiddies, went to the amusement rides at Funland (FYI: Funland is so NOT fun with a bunch of kids), and spent some quality time with the parents. Only one sour note. Picture this: HJ, in the pool, floating on his back being held up by roughly 56 "noodles".
A few other comments...This love affair some of you are having with the so-called "Irene"? Be very, very careful....she is a manipulative little whore. She will charm you and then slash your throat. I know. I've seen it many times over, my innocent little friends. Don't let her fool you with her wholesome talk of tomato recipes and athletic ability...she is devil in spandex, I tell you!!!
Friday, August 12, 2005
Pretty in the Poconos
Sorry for not posting in a long time. Suburban Warrior has been spreading her sunshine on the east coast. Besides, Irene and friends have been keeping this blog busy with their comments...it seems, just like college, people really enjoy discussing Irene's breasts!! On another Irene note, everyone should wish her well as she competes in her second triathalon this weekend!! Irene, are you going lesbo on us???
Anyhoo...presently, I am in the Poconos with Aunt Meggy and THE LOUD FAMILY!!! (And yes, that means, Harry John as well. Have you seen the movie "Deliverance"?? I am living it with Harry John.) One of the LOUD CHILDREN has a fever, is bright red and lethargic...so at least that cuts down on the noise level a bit. Hopefully, it will spread to the remaining two LOUD CHILDREN. That reminds me of something one of my friends, let's call her "Sue", once said...she said she actually preferred her children sick as they were easier to take when they were under the weather..."I love it when they just slip in and out of consciousness". Hmm...that doesn't sound right, does it??
Oh, did I mention the house here is not air conditioned? And the weathermen are predicting this as the hottest weekend of the year on the east coast?? Harry John is not pretty under those conditions!! Think wet bear...
Anyhoo...presently, I am in the Poconos with Aunt Meggy and THE LOUD FAMILY!!! (And yes, that means, Harry John as well. Have you seen the movie "Deliverance"?? I am living it with Harry John.) One of the LOUD CHILDREN has a fever, is bright red and lethargic...so at least that cuts down on the noise level a bit. Hopefully, it will spread to the remaining two LOUD CHILDREN. That reminds me of something one of my friends, let's call her "Sue", once said...she said she actually preferred her children sick as they were easier to take when they were under the weather..."I love it when they just slip in and out of consciousness". Hmm...that doesn't sound right, does it??
Oh, did I mention the house here is not air conditioned? And the weathermen are predicting this as the hottest weekend of the year on the east coast?? Harry John is not pretty under those conditions!! Think wet bear...
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
TV at 4:30 AM
Don't you hate it when you can't sleep. You keep looking at the clock, watching it tick away and thinking, "Great, I'm gonna be such a bitch tomorrow...". I always think of the advice some people give..."if you can't sleep, you might as well get up and do something productive, like cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry". As if.
Anyhoo, I found myself in that predicament last night/this morning. I eventually got up and went downstairs to watch TV. I came across the show "My So-Called Life" with Claire Danes and Jared Leto. I remember watching this show a few years back and thinking it was depressing and comparable to a teen "Thirty-Something" (another show I found depressing). In this episode Claire's character, Angela, was trying to decide if she should lose her virginity to Jared's character, Jordon. Jordon let Angela drive his beloved car (which was against the law, as Angela is only 15!), so he thought it only fair she give it up...sounds like a fair deal to me!! Poor Angela didn't know what to do!!! She loved driving that car and Jordon DID have really nice eyes, but....something was holding her back! Angela really needed to talk to someone for advice!! But her parents were too busy, all her doctor said was to use a sponge, and her slutty best friend was...well...a slut. Oh, if only I could jump into Angela's so-called life and direct her...What would Angela do??? It's now 5:00 AM. I really should turn this program off...but...
Well, of course, Angela finally saw the light and gave Jordon a firm "NO", whereby Jordon promptly dumped Angela. Which really worked out for everyone, I think, because, physically, Jordon was in a whole different league than Angela!! Although, now Angela is back to riding her bike to school...but with her virginity intact.
The moral of the story is: take a Tylenol PM and avoid all this. I gotta go take a nap!
Anyhoo, I found myself in that predicament last night/this morning. I eventually got up and went downstairs to watch TV. I came across the show "My So-Called Life" with Claire Danes and Jared Leto. I remember watching this show a few years back and thinking it was depressing and comparable to a teen "Thirty-Something" (another show I found depressing). In this episode Claire's character, Angela, was trying to decide if she should lose her virginity to Jared's character, Jordon. Jordon let Angela drive his beloved car (which was against the law, as Angela is only 15!), so he thought it only fair she give it up...sounds like a fair deal to me!! Poor Angela didn't know what to do!!! She loved driving that car and Jordon DID have really nice eyes, but....something was holding her back! Angela really needed to talk to someone for advice!! But her parents were too busy, all her doctor said was to use a sponge, and her slutty best friend was...well...a slut. Oh, if only I could jump into Angela's so-called life and direct her...What would Angela do??? It's now 5:00 AM. I really should turn this program off...but...
Well, of course, Angela finally saw the light and gave Jordon a firm "NO", whereby Jordon promptly dumped Angela. Which really worked out for everyone, I think, because, physically, Jordon was in a whole different league than Angela!! Although, now Angela is back to riding her bike to school...but with her virginity intact.
The moral of the story is: take a Tylenol PM and avoid all this. I gotta go take a nap!
