Suburban Warrior

We've returned from the beach! So why do I feel like I need some Rest and Relaxation? I'll tell you why...

We came back a day early to attend my friend's wedding. Big party, crazy dancing, gin and tonics, and the return of THE WEDGE SHOE!! Yes, the wedge shoe is back in fashion and being ever fashion conscious, NOT, Suburban Warrior donned a pair for the wedding. When I put them on, my husband looked at my feet, gazed into my eyes and said, "That's a disaster waiting to happen". Whatever. With my wedgies in place, my hair done, my makeup applied, I slipped my tan body into my fuchsia dress. In the words of my hero, Paris Hilton, "I looked hot". But then, I thought..."I AM hot".

Anyhoo, off to the church we went. Right off, I knew there was going to be a problem with these shoes. The temperature was an easy 99 degrees. As feminine as I am, sometimes I do perspire, not sweat (this opposed to my friend, "Jane", who informed us halfway through the service that she had forgotten to put deodorant on and would we mind sticking our noses into her pits to see if we could smell anything unbecoming). Well, my feet were as wet as they are when I exit the pool...so I was slippin and sliddin all over the damn place...and that was before the drinking and the dancing (I thought about putting some Kotex Light Days in my wedgies to absorb some of the wetness, but being open-toed shoes that might be a tad tacky). But I kept my composure and made it through the service without falling. Off to the reception...

Well, a few gin and tonics later I was much cooler...at least I felt much cooler. And my feet? "Oh, do I have feet?"...I was gliding across the dance floor as the DJ played my favorite Bee Gees tunes...like a swan on a peaceful lake... in my own mind...but then...CRASH!!!! Screams of "LOOKOUT!...DUCK!!!!" And then whispers of "are you okay???...Oops, who put that silly piece of furniture there?? I've been in this house millions of times and I have NEVER seen that thing there...in my wedgies I seemed to misstep and knocked into one of those column/pedestal type things...unfortunately it had a rather large flower arrangement on top of it. My husband shook his head back and forth, in defeat, and quietly slipped back to the bar...my sorority sisters tried their best to reposition the five foot column as the bride's aunt picked up the shredded pedals on the floor. Well, NOW it's a PAR-TAY!!! Yeah, not so much...I scurried over to the farthest corner I could find and removed my beloved wedgies..."Damn you", I said..."DAMN YOU to HELL!!!...I owned this night until YOU ruined it!!". My wedgies and I remained in the corner, eating the wedding cake, until it was time to leave.

The next morning I woke up with pains shooting down my calves...more leftover fun from the wedgies (FYI: stay at home mothers who usually wear flip flops everyday have NO BUSINESS wearing wedge shoes!!). My messed up calves go nicely with the bottoms of my feet which are covered in blisters...leftovers from hot sand in Emerald Isle...

My new wheelchair should be arriving sometime this week. I'll just rest my feet until then...