Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Captain Harry John
My sister, Aunt Meggy, almost became a widow over the holiday weekend.
Harry John and some of his NJ butt head friends came up with yet another brilliant scheme for fun. It seems some random man wanted to get an old sailboat off his property and offered it to Harry John for free if Harry John would simply lug it away. (Yes, I know...to a normal functioning individual, RED FLAG! RED FLAG!! But these are NJ people and specifically, Harry John and cohorts...). So, Harry John spends $600 to purchase a new boat trailer to haul off his new yacht, "Wind Song". Who knows if Harry John can even swim...I mean, I know he doesn't bathe...
Anyhoo, the boat is transported to a marina...yeah, in your dreams!! No, "Wind Song" is parked in Aunt Meggy's driveway! (I can't help but think of their neighbors. In addition to living next to the LOUD FAMILY, the neighbors now have to look at this eyesore) I asked my sister how pathetic the boat really is and her response was, "well, I think it's cute how Harry refers to it as a boat". 'Nuff said. Harry John patches, paints, and basically screws around on "Wind Song" all week with his friend, Anthony (who, by the way, is a blog/blob in himself). They even painted racing stripes on this boat...I think they're under the impression they own a cigarette boat, not a piece of crappola. They debate all week over what they're going to rename the boat. I'm not going to get into some of the mentioned names, as this is a wholesome site, but let's just say Harry John's wife's privates are not very well respected by him.
So, this past weekend the "Yacht-Z" was ready to sail. Both Harry John and Anthony donned their new Sperry Topsider shoes (I'm not kidding) and headed to the boat launch. Anthony's father joined them along with Harry John's brother (they were obviously lacking in anything better to do with their time). The fools shove off, waving to all on shore.
Ten minutes into it's maiden voyage the "Yacht-Z" begins to take on water. The idiotic crew can't jump in the water because they are surrounded by jellyfish. We know this because they are screaming "JELLY FISH!! JELLY FISH!!!" like little girls from the "Yacht-Z" (Plus, they don't want to get their new Topsider shoes wet ...they had yet to waterproof them!). Mayday Mayday!!!!...Another vessel comes to the aid of the quickly sinking "Yacht-Z" and pulls her back to shore. The men are safe, but the "Yacht-Z" has issues.
What happened to cause this near disaster on the high seas? Well...apparently, Harry John (and we all just knew it had to be caused by his lack of brainpower) FORGOT TO PUT THE PLUGS BACK IN THE BOAT after he had finished painting the boat!!!!!
Gilligan's got nothin on my Harry John!!
Harry John and some of his NJ butt head friends came up with yet another brilliant scheme for fun. It seems some random man wanted to get an old sailboat off his property and offered it to Harry John for free if Harry John would simply lug it away. (Yes, I know...to a normal functioning individual, RED FLAG! RED FLAG!! But these are NJ people and specifically, Harry John and cohorts...). So, Harry John spends $600 to purchase a new boat trailer to haul off his new yacht, "Wind Song". Who knows if Harry John can even swim...I mean, I know he doesn't bathe...
Anyhoo, the boat is transported to a marina...yeah, in your dreams!! No, "Wind Song" is parked in Aunt Meggy's driveway! (I can't help but think of their neighbors. In addition to living next to the LOUD FAMILY, the neighbors now have to look at this eyesore) I asked my sister how pathetic the boat really is and her response was, "well, I think it's cute how Harry refers to it as a boat". 'Nuff said. Harry John patches, paints, and basically screws around on "Wind Song" all week with his friend, Anthony (who, by the way, is a blog/blob in himself). They even painted racing stripes on this boat...I think they're under the impression they own a cigarette boat, not a piece of crappola. They debate all week over what they're going to rename the boat. I'm not going to get into some of the mentioned names, as this is a wholesome site, but let's just say Harry John's wife's privates are not very well respected by him.
So, this past weekend the "Yacht-Z" was ready to sail. Both Harry John and Anthony donned their new Sperry Topsider shoes (I'm not kidding) and headed to the boat launch. Anthony's father joined them along with Harry John's brother (they were obviously lacking in anything better to do with their time). The fools shove off, waving to all on shore.
Ten minutes into it's maiden voyage the "Yacht-Z" begins to take on water. The idiotic crew can't jump in the water because they are surrounded by jellyfish. We know this because they are screaming "JELLY FISH!! JELLY FISH!!!" like little girls from the "Yacht-Z" (Plus, they don't want to get their new Topsider shoes wet ...they had yet to waterproof them!). Mayday Mayday!!!!...Another vessel comes to the aid of the quickly sinking "Yacht-Z" and pulls her back to shore. The men are safe, but the "Yacht-Z" has issues.
What happened to cause this near disaster on the high seas? Well...apparently, Harry John (and we all just knew it had to be caused by his lack of brainpower) FORGOT TO PUT THE PLUGS BACK IN THE BOAT after he had finished painting the boat!!!!!
Gilligan's got nothin on my Harry John!!
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That is too damn funny. The sad part is that nobody got the debacle on video - that could have earned Harry John a cool $10K on America's Funniest Videos. Think of all the topsiders he could buy with that kind of cash!
# posted by 
: 10:38 AM
: 10:38 AM 
YOU LAND BLUBBERS CAN KEEP TALKIN. THE PLUGS ARE IN AND I AM HEADED FOR THE HIGH SEA. I WILL RISK ALMOST ANYTHING TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR FEW HOURS.
HJ
HJ
# posted by : 3:35 PM
: 3:35 PM
The bear is awake.......
Well, Kelli, you've gone and done it!! You poked and poked and now you have my attention. I am the aformentioned 'Anthony', 1st mate and faithful servant to the 'Yacht-Zee'. Yes, it's TWO ee's, you dope. I have a few comments. Let's begin.
First of all, 'NJ people'??!??!? I know you don't have a map in your house and you were absent that day in school when they taught 'smart', but FYI, New Jersey is on the Atlantic Ocean. Ring a bell? Big body of water, kind of deep, CAN'T WALK ON IT!!! I don't think it's outrageous to dig up a boat to float around on. Of course, by float, I mean that me and Captain Ahab will plug it so we can actually float, but that's not the point!!
Futhermore, they are not racing stripes, they are FLAMES!! We were going to paint a picture of a sharks' mouth with the teeth, but we are saving that one for the new row boat we are getting this week. Yes, we are amassing a fleet of vessels.
I also would like to correct your 'taking on water' phrase. I was at the tiller, that's the steering wheel for a sailboat, genius, and the holes were back where I was sitting. It looked more like that scene in Titanic when the water came gushing down the hallway. Thank heaven I had my Sperrys on or I would have lost total control of the boat. (We were travelling at the breakneck speed of about 1 mph.)
Next time we go, which should be this Sunday, we'll take some pictures. One or two of which you might be able to post here, the rest will be mostly pictures of me and skipper telling you you're '#1', if you get my meaning!! Ahoy.
Well, Kelli, you've gone and done it!! You poked and poked and now you have my attention. I am the aformentioned 'Anthony', 1st mate and faithful servant to the 'Yacht-Zee'. Yes, it's TWO ee's, you dope. I have a few comments. Let's begin.
First of all, 'NJ people'??!??!? I know you don't have a map in your house and you were absent that day in school when they taught 'smart', but FYI, New Jersey is on the Atlantic Ocean. Ring a bell? Big body of water, kind of deep, CAN'T WALK ON IT!!! I don't think it's outrageous to dig up a boat to float around on. Of course, by float, I mean that me and Captain Ahab will plug it so we can actually float, but that's not the point!!
Futhermore, they are not racing stripes, they are FLAMES!! We were going to paint a picture of a sharks' mouth with the teeth, but we are saving that one for the new row boat we are getting this week. Yes, we are amassing a fleet of vessels.
I also would like to correct your 'taking on water' phrase. I was at the tiller, that's the steering wheel for a sailboat, genius, and the holes were back where I was sitting. It looked more like that scene in Titanic when the water came gushing down the hallway. Thank heaven I had my Sperrys on or I would have lost total control of the boat. (We were travelling at the breakneck speed of about 1 mph.)
Next time we go, which should be this Sunday, we'll take some pictures. One or two of which you might be able to post here, the rest will be mostly pictures of me and skipper telling you you're '#1', if you get my meaning!! Ahoy.
# posted by : 7:22 AM
: 7:22 AM
Irene,
Please refer to me as Commodore Feathersword. (we now have two boats)
HJ
Please refer to me as Commodore Feathersword. (we now have two boats)
HJ
# posted by : 11:28 AM
: 11:28 AM
Kelli,
Now there is no chance of you being invited on the Yayht-Zee, but if you are lucky enough to board this MIGHTY vessel im sure Commodore Feathersword and 1st Mate Anthony will show you the plank...
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Now there is no chance of you being invited on the Yayht-Zee, but if you are lucky enough to board this MIGHTY vessel im sure Commodore Feathersword and 1st Mate Anthony will show you the plank...
# posted by : 11:27 AM
: 11:27 AM << Home
